Days before enlistment...

Would like to thank all those whom I have met these 2 days...

2 different cliques, but to the best of my knowledge, have the same intention...to "celebrate" my impending loss of hair and to a certain extent, freedom.

I'm pretty much ready for NS, and I'm confident to say that I'm experiencing minimal pressure.

Maybe because my NCC days prepared me mentally?

Perhaps...

But one thing's for sure, I've enjoyed myself for the past 2 days. I'm really glad that I got to meet out with my friends one more time before I enter the next phase in life.

First day was my NYP peers...

Sista', Lee Anne, Foler, Kai Chin, Siraj, Yu You, Clyde and Sean with Nigel joining up later in the night. Had dinner, and though I didn't eat much, I was really glad to be surrounded by my friends. Had beer after that and things would have been better if I wasn't feelin' the effects of the sleepless nights.

My bad~ =P

A couple of hours ago, had dinner with the SGSH clique. Feelin' equally happy with the SCANDALous mates around.

I'm really thankful for the people I have around me...

I thank y'all once again, my friends...the simple meet ups mean a lot to me, especially during this period of time. Thank you so much!

Oh and I have received a small gift from my dear sista'~! Really appreciate it! It's now part of my "must-wear accessories"...when I'm out as a civilian though. Thanks~!

A lil' better...

Been thinking a lot these 2 days...

To be frank , I have yet to thoroughly sort out my thoughts just yet, but I'm definitely feeling a lil' bit better.

It's probably the Shawn Michaels VS Bret Hart DVD. Seeing their reconciliation makes me wanna' look up some of the guys I know and call for a truce.

I'm sure this is no secret...I'm not a good person. I may not have committed murder or arson (yet...), but I have done some rather hideous things to some people...

Lies were told...

Backs were stabbed...

Souls wounded...

Bodies bruised...

Some qualities I've always despised are actually qualities I once had...maybe not till the very extreme, but I'm nonetheless guilty of possessing those qualities.

For the past 2 days, I've done deeper soul searching than I have ever done before, but sadly, I still haven't got the courage to meet some of 'em face to face, neither do I have a proper solution to make my position a lil' more prominent...

But life goes on, and so today I sat down and watched the WWE DVD.

I thought I knew a lot about Bret and Shawn and that night at Montreal...but after watching the entire interview, I realized I know nothing about them.

The part that truly got my attention was when they were talkin' about their reconciliation. Eyes turned red and tears were shed...as a wrestling fan, I felt the emotion emanating from both men and was getting watery eyes as well...especially when they showed the clip when Bret and Shawn hugged on RAW, 4th January 2010.

I've already seen that episode of RAW 1 year ago, but watching it again today was extra heartwarming and it definitely meant much more.

I've known all along that I was the one who made the wrong moves and the wrong decisions to certain issues...and after today, I would love to meet some of those guys again in hopes that we can all bury the hatchet, regardless of whether they still bear a grudge against me for my actions back then or not.

There is a handful of souls however, whom I would rather not propose a truce...despite my desire for complete tranquility in my mind, I just cannot condone what those people have done.

To those whom I've truly did wrong to due to my egoistical/reckless/unreasonable/irresponsible decisions in the past, I'm willing to apologize face to face and offer my hand in peace.

To those whom I MIGHT have done something wrong to but I feel no guilt whatsoever...in fact I feel justified, because they have dealt an absurdly immense blow unto me...I just can't find it in my heart to reconciliate with 'em.

Fortunately, it's not a very big number.

No matter, I hereby sincerely thank Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Jim Ross for putting that DVD together. Not only did it enlighten the wrestling fans about the Hart-Heart rivalry, but it too brought certain peace to me. Thank you, gentlemen!

Next, I would like to thank those whom I have hurt, but chose to forgive me in any way (I might not know it...).

I've been saying countless sorry(s) and thank you(s) to my peers, but I want y'all to know, when I say (or type for this matter) them, not once did they not come from my heart...especially as I grow up and learned my mistakes back in the days, all the more am I apologetic.

To those whom I have hurt, and haven't forgiven me...I hope one day I'll be able to find my way back to you and offer my apologies. Whether or not I'm forgiven, it's your decision...

Perhaps one of the most emotional days I've had...and one of the most emotional posts I've made. Good night to all, and may a good day awaits~❤

Incorrigible

Pessimism...

Past memories flooding back. A lot has been on my mind ever since I......never mind.

It's not the first time I started recollecting past events...but this time, it has gotten stronger. From those hellish days in primary school all the way to my recent days...

I can almost never stop thinking...

Things that I did wrong came back to haunt me one by one despite my best efforts to atone for what I have done. I'm starting to lock myself away again...in my lil' world filled with negative emotions.

And today, had a pretty rough time when my knee gave out on me again. I'm not gonna' use it as an excuse for my bad skills...I admit that I'm bad when it comes to that sport, but the bad knee delivered the coup de grâce to my pride.

God I hate it when I cannot even accomplish the simplest of task like stopping a ball...in my book, being hurt is not an excuse.

I might be contradicting myself in certain ways with the statement above, but at the very moment when I failed to deliver, that was how I felt.

Thinking is such a scary ability. An active brain and a guilty soul makes a deadly combination...

When can I ever stop getting tortured by these thoughts. I yearn certain tranquility, a small reprieve that enables my mind to rest. I don't know how much more I can take before I either snap or break down...

Seriously, there are times when I'm on the verge of insanity holding back my guilt and tears...I'm getting really close to the brim.

It's really tiring leading a life like mine...and knowing that people around me will not like it but am still doing it because I'm not good at handling my own shit is just as disheartening...

More than once I have thought...

If only that particular soul could bring down the finishing blow years ago...

Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence

After much procrastination, I have finally managed to clear the one music I've always wanted to play on a piano...

It's not played note for note like what the score intended, there are mild differences, but I believe I pretty much got the melody correct...I guess?

No matter, it's not even worthy enough to be compared to the original piece played by Sakamoto Ryuichi, but I'm happy that I got to play it out in full for myself. Would love to try it on a grand piano though...

Anyway, hopefully I would face minimal problems this Saturday during the jamming session when I play this music.

Death brings peace...

It's 0444 on my clock...and I'm still awake.

It's no surprise to many why. Firstly, I have a screwed up body clock. Secondly, I think a lot...and they are not exactly productive thoughts.

Just watched X-Men Orgins: Wolverine again...and I paid extra attention this time when Kayla told the love story between the moon and the wolverine. After that, I pretty much got sidetracked and left the movie running while I stared into space and started refreshing my memory about various things.

A tweet I just made, "Thus far I had 2 moons in my life...but am neither's wolverine..."

I'm sure there is no secret what or who those 2 moons are, and what or who the wolverine is referring to. Though this wolverine didn't get fooled by anybody to leave its realm and collect flowers for the moon, the ending still fits...

The wolverine lost the moon as a companion...

I choked a lil' when I realized the matching factors.

Twice I've went through this process, and I'm not sure if I'll be going through it for the 3rd time...

Apparently my brain's gonna' work this way for the rest of my life, regardless of whether I'll be lookin' back at my love life, my misdoings, people I've lied to, people I've hurt...doubt there is going to be any signs of reprieve...

...until death that is...

Revival

Deserted this place for quite some time already...no matter, I have no intentions of closing it down, so might as well continue ta' shoot the shit.

Anyways, have been spending quite some time with a new clique I joined a couple of months back. Joined a forum called SCANDAL Heaven, and met a couple of guys residing in Singapore who are part of this community.

Really great souls. Well, mixing in isn't easy (as usual), but since we all have a similar interest, I guess it's not completely fruitless. Time went by and got to talk to 'em more...and thanks to some of 'em, I even started using Twitter! Something I never thought I'd ever use...

But what's done is done, now I have a Twitter account and it's just another place for me to rant...

Besides Twitter, I tried playing a sport I never thought I'd play as well...soccer.

To be absolutely frank with you, it's really not my type of sports...for now that is. I tend to panic when I get the ball under my foot, I play rough, and most importantly...I can't kick the ball good enough. But thus far, I have went for 2 soccer sessions with the SH guys, and despite my statement above, I had fun.

But for those who know me well, there's one very crucial thing about my attitude that they should know...I've said it umpteen times, and I'll say it again...

Besides hating to lose, I tend to get pissed at myself for not being able to get a job done right.

Although the SH clique reassures me that they don't blame me for my poor skills, I still scold myself for being a total klutz. Nothing personal, it's just how my mind works...

But the bottomline is, it's fun taking part in the soccer session with 'em despite the fact that my body had kinda' given way a couple of times. Thanks, SHSG! I really appreciate it guys!

Alright, before I conclude my first blog post in a long while, thought I'll share some drawings I have done just to let people know I haven't been just idling my time away doing nothing...but still, no colors. XD

Bleach crossovers...

HARUNA X Zaraki Kenpachi


RINA X Hitsugaya Toushiro


TOMOMI X Kyouraku Shunsui


MAMI X Kuchiki Byakuya


A younger version oF Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni...



Thaz'all folks...

Oh and I'll be lookin' forward to seeing you and Lee Anne again, Sista'!

NAPFA Silver

After a month plus of physical and mental "torture", I have finally clinched the NAPFA silver.

Really elated when everything is over and learned that I have done what I thought was not very possible when I failed the first 2 attempts. And for that, I have to thank BB for giving me the support while I was clearing the stations.

He unfortunately didn't get past one of the stations, but he stayed behind to see things through till the very end...and I appreciate his presence.

The silver is actually a pass for me to attend the SCANDAL concert in a couple of weeks time...

I'm supposed to enlist for NS at 8 September, thus missing the concert...but now that I have claimed the silver award, there's a chance that I'll be able to attend the concert after all.

No matter, I'll just rest for the day and hopefully I'm not gonna' be bedridden tomorrow...

Back!

Finally back online with a working computer.

Have been deprived of a computer for quite some time. My laptop's kinda toast...the White Screen Of Death made its first appearance before my eyes.

Next, my bro's desktop. It had already stopped working for a long time due to some OS shit...and just when I thought my bro had fixed it that one night, the computer failed to power up the next day.

So yeah...that's when all the inconveniences seeped in. Luckily my bro borrowed me his iPad, otherwise my life would have been worse than dull.

But still there are things an iPad can't do, for instance...drawing. I was kinda panicking because I had the intention to submit a couple of fan art on a forum, and as the deadline drew near, I had to make a trip back to school and finish things up. Fortunately, I was able to complete 'em...to a certain extent.

Well, what matters is with a proper computer, I feel like I'm whole again...

Conflicting...

With the graduation ceremony out of the way, I'm now waiting for the governmental edict to ferry me into NS-hood.

The day of graduation is without a doubt a day filled with memories. I'm glad my mother and big brother was there to attend the event, and I believe my dad's in the attendance as well...

You're son's finally crossed another hurdle, daddy...

Needless to say everybody's thrilled about how they're officially cleared to enter the outside world...and in order to not forget the moment, millions of flashes were taking down the smiles on everybody's face.

Yeah...photographs...

Just saw a couple of pictures of my friends. Everybody's smiling so wide...well, almost everybody. And there it is, I came across some pictures that kinda...hit me hard.

...it's always like this...

I've accepted the fact she's with somebody else...but seeing her in his arms and vice versa...

I'm happy for them, seriously. But the happiness comes with a tinge of ...I don't know...a feeling you get when you're choking on tears...

I just can't let it go now, can I...wishy washy soul...

Macho Fallen

Another legend has fallen...

Randy "Macho Man" Savage passed away after driving his automobile into a tree. A saddening loss for many wrestling fans around the globe, and needless to say Randy's family and friends whom he had wrestled with or against.

Bret "The Hitman" Hart voiced out in Facebook, "I have no words to say. This one hits me hard. We lost one of the best". I believe many would share his views.

I'm not the biggest fan of Randy Savage, but I admire the man's near unparalleled charisma when cutting a promo and his prowess in the ring.

Probably Randy's last promo...Ooh Yeah~~~



R.I.P Randy "Macho Man" Savage. Thank you for the memories...

Speaking of wrestling, another legend is possibly on the verge of retirement, and he's none other than the man I've always looked up to, Mark Calaway a.k.a The Undertaker.

I just couldn't help it but feel a little unnerving to know that he's retiring. We all know that day is inevitable...but the creatures of the night definitely dreaded for the day to come.

But during these past few years, 'Taker's taken some pretty bad bumps and old injuries kept nagging on...and he'll take some time off spanning over months and can possibly last for almost a year after each wrestling appearance. 'Taker fans wanna see him in action, but I know that everybody, including me would rather him to have a proper rest and not strain his body too much.

With all the factors stated above, Undertaker is only seen in action a couple of times in a year, and out of those handful, maybe only one or two of 'em will have him wrestling to cut down the toll taken on his body.

The fans all probably knew that the Phenom doesn't have much time left in the ring.

Sources state that 'Taker's currently semi-retired, but it's highly possible that he'll leave in the near future...or even next year when he will extend his Wrestlemania streak to 20-0 (we shall ASSUME).

If retiring is equals to a healthier life for Mark, I strongly believe that every single creature of the night would rather have it that way.

Over but not done with...

Feeling alright I guess...

Quite a number of things happened.

The number one subject for the past few weeks and perhaps still ongoing has to be the general election. PAP rules for the next 5 years again...I'm neither complaining nor celebrating for I'm not very interested in the government/politics and stuff.

Though I have to more or less know something due to the solid fact that I'm growing older and there are things the government does that will affect me.

Well, I do care about one issue regarding the Aljunied GRC. Sad to say (happy for most people I guess), WP claimed the Aljunied GRC.

Sad because I felt like I lost a friend. Not that he bought me candies or anything every time we meet, but Mr Zainul has always been a great guy who would put up a big smile and interacts with people very well. There had been many occasions in which I got to meet him up close because my mum's into the whole RC thing and they tend to organize events with him being the guest-of-honor. I got to shake his hand, exchanged brief words and turns out that he's a really jolly fella'.

I dunno if people will be saying that he's merely putting up a front to rally support prior to the next election, but from my point of view, the way he interacted with me and the residents seemed genuinely out his heart, and I still wanna believe that.

People sang praises of Mr George Yeo, even pro-opposition citizens. I can't comment much, because I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to the contributions and stuff until I read them up. But the people know.

So perhaps you can say that I'm a pro-PAP for now despite my earlier statement expressing my indifference. Another reason that I'm pro-PAP for now is because Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew's aging, and let us be frank, he doesn't have many open chapters left in his life.

So like I said before to some of my friends, I would like him to at least "go in peace".

But of course, not everybody thinks likewise. Many Singaporeans started criticizing his statements and way of running things in the government.

I've read posts and comments regarding how PAP's lining their wallets at our expense, I acknowledge some of them but just couldn't help but feel disheartening to see people, especially my friends using extreme terms to discredit PAP, and even the ministers, when the people themselves possibly have a part to play in those issues. I mean, you can question their management but you don't have to scold them like they killed your dog...

I'm not blaming the people for their resentment...but what I don't like was that many people are angry and are voting for the opposition for the wrong reason from my perspective.

There are people who are angry because they are not satisfied with their lives now with so much to pay for a.k.a high standards of living.

But there are people who voted for the right reasons (I hope), as in they want more opposition in the parliament to voice out, so things would be somewhat balance out, and matters can be looked into more efficiently.

True the government has to hold certain responsibilities for the arousing problems. But the most important thing to do before people start pointing fingers at the government, is to reflect on oneself...

Had a long talk with my bro, and we started analyzing the issues...

The following are both my brother's and my thoughts, if you think otherwise...well, that's fine. One can disagree but I have no intentions of starting a heated debate here.

***

Foreign talents "stealing" jobs:

Singaporeans get paid to work. DUH?! But as time goes by, and the employee left the company for various reasons, if they intend to continue in that field, they would look for the jobs and request for a pay equals to, if not more than what he was paid previously.

That's reasonable considering you had gained more experience from working in another company before.

Then, my bro and I assumed that someone triggered a trend whereby one would work in a company and as soon as the contract ends, he would decline to renew his contract (if he had the choice) and start looking for a job in another company, requesting for a higher pay...

He would then work till the contract ends, and off he goes to another company asking for a higher pay than the former. This cycle goes on...and more people sees this opportunity to earn more money, and thus started doing so.

"I had to do it due to the rising standards of living", they thought...

The employer sees the trend and they would of course employ the foreign workers who can deliver as much but at a lower rate.

The unemployed grumble and asked, "Why?".

The employers answered, "Why not?"

So regarding the increasing numbers of foreigners getting employed instead of Singaporeans, both the employers and the employees are to be responsible...

***

The road tax:

The number of cars is increasing in Singapore and I doubt nobody noticed this.

So the government erected ERP gantries, initially around town areas to in a sense control the number of cars getting in and out. As a result, there were lesser congestion in those areas.

Granted...

So when people feels the pinch to spend some bucks going through the gantry, they've decided to take a detour which would land them in the same place but escaping the system.

It wouldn't be long before most people realized that, and more people started using the the roads free from the ERP. Now those "free roads" would have heavier traffic because nobody wanted to pay the toll.

Government raised new gantries on those roads.

People will start looking for "free roads" and as a result, congestion will build up again on those roads and gantries will be implemented. This kept up and thus almost everywhere we go, we see the ERP.

Again, people blame the government for taxing them too much. Well, why can't they blame the ones who contributed to the congestion unnecessarily? There are those who really need a vehicle to travel long distance nearly everyday, but what about those who don't really need it but still owns one?

What I heard from my bro, is that now more people are capable of driving a car courtesy to the COE or something that pertains to it.

So as many people wanna enjoy the luxury of driving despite not necessarily needing it, the number of cars is definitely rising mad.

***

I can't really remember everything that we talked...I was kinda sleepy that night.

Anyway, a lot of problems boils down to 2 choices..."Need to Have?", "Want to Have?"

People tend to not make the correct choices at times. A good example my bro stated...

Food, is it a "Need to Have?" or "Want to Have?"

I said "Need to Have?"...and he corrected my way of thinking. He said both.

People need to eat, but people CHOOSE to eat good food that are costly, but still serves the same purpose as a plate of chicken rice which costs so much cheaper. You eat, fill your stomach and you defecate...

Regardless of what you eat, no matter how expensive it cost, it will still exit your body as nothing more than a pile of shit.

But people sometimes would still choose to eat expensive good food which at times can barely fill your stomach, rather than something more filling and inexpensive.

That's why I feel that Singaporeans should really think about things before pointing their gun barrels at the government. It's always easy to point fingers at other people, but never ourselves. We, the Singaporeans contributed to the costly standards of living. Vendors sees the rising demand, damn right they will exploit the opportunity to earn our money we so willingly pay, and this rule applies for many things around us.

As business picks up, and with the resources required processing them thinning, the price would definitely go up, and yet people are still willing to pay.

Although I do agree that the government has a part to play, we the people should also start making things right.

The above are my thoughts and I'm putting them up despite having a feeling that people from different standpoints will be flaming me for my comments.

Something I've experienced over the years...

If you are in support of something, you'll find 100 ways to praise it. People who didn't like it, would come up with 100 ways to criticize it, and 1000 ways to make it sound as worthless as possible. The supporters will then find 1100 ways to give it credit, and more to fight back...

That is when disagreement builds up and eventually a push would come to a shove.

No matter, let's hope for a better tomorrow.

Happy Birthday To You...

I'm really glad...

...that you replied my message...

When I read your reply, I was really happy. I could literally picture how you said it. Although in the message you asked, "You are?"...but no matter, it's good enough.

Probably the reason you replied to the message was because you didn't know it's me...

What if you knew that it was me? Would you still give me a reply?

Now that I think of it, it was almost a year ago I sent you the first message between us...it was an apologetic sms...

You never replied...

The next time I sent you a message was when my brother had 2 tickets to Jacky Wu's performance in Singapore. I thought that I could use the chance to close the rift between us, thus I decided to ask you first.

You never replied to that either...

Perhaps...you've never forgiven me, that's why my contact number was never recorded in your phone. Thus not knowing that it was me who greeted you via sms.

Nonetheless, I'm elated and grateful that you replied to my sms this time, with or without your knowledge that it was me on the other end. It brought comfort to my heart. Thank you...and this is possibly the first time I'm saying this to you on the day itself...

Happy Birthday...

2 Decades...

March 16 is coming to an end...

Thank you to everybody who sent forth your greetings, as usual, they are greatly appreciated. Also, thank you to the birthday song from the night cycling clique...it's been quite a while since I've heard that song with my name in it. It felt like I still have a small place in most my peers' hearts, despite taking loads of shit from me...other than being thankful, I have no idea how else can I express myself.

Thank y'all...

Of course, there's still one person whom I wish to receive the message from. The odds are rather low, but I'm still hoping...

New Phase

FUSION has come and gone, which means I'm finally out of NYP. Thank you to all who came visiting. Despite not receiving many guests at my booth, I guess I'm still happy.

...

Looking back, I can't help but feel a little sentimental. It's not exactly something that one will expect coming out from my mouth, but that word pretty much sums up stuff.

About 3 years ago, I'm just a freshie stepping into the gates of NYP, having minor doubts about the future, and deciding not to make too many friends for fear of some sort of deja vu dating all the way back to the younger days.

Well, I succeeded...that was until when orientation took place, and I started talking to people.

Guess it's not easy being alone eh...

Now that I think about it, I'm glad I spoke to them then, otherwise, I'm not sure how am I gonna make it through these 3 years. Thank you, my friends...I'm really, really glad to have met all y'all.

Of course, the lecturers played a big part in my poly life as well. Especially Ms Gail, who had enlightened most if not all of the '08 batch. An amazing woman who will never run you down not matter how rotten you are. Her encouragements are priceless, and regardless of who you are, she will gladly give you advice on many matters.

She said that she's proud of us, and I'm grateful to have a mentor like her. Thank you so much, Ms Gail.

A little too much dosage of nostalgia perhaps...

Feeling a little lonely all of the sudden, especially when it comes to friends going their own ways. It's not a farewell for good, but meeting up will not be easy.

Another contributing factor is no secret. I have lain down my last card, with my thoughts and wishes penned down on it, in hopes that she will read them and grant me my last request. If she does, I would have found the much needed closure which I have been seeking for over a year...

Nonetheless, congratulations to all my friends graduated and those soon graduating, I'll be looking forward to our next meetings. Good luck and take care...

Harsh Truth...

Not too long ago, another question was answered...

It seems like a friend of mine got together with her...

...

If I say that I'm not jealous, I would be lying. Jealousy is inevitable. I'm happy to know that she will be in good hands, but I can't shake off the sharp pain in me.

I've repeatedly told myself that I just wanna mend our friendship, and I still wish for that...but that didn't make me feel any better. It's tough to let go. The feeling I have for her was one-sided all along...can't blame anyone but myself for my wishful thinking.

It's really agonizing...

I recall saying this before, and I'll say it again...as long as she's happy, I'm fine with it. In fact, I have no rights to object this issue...I'm just another guy whom she got to know, but not someone who can necessarily provide her with everything she needs.

Who knows? Perhaps my friend is the one who can give her the warmth and support I'm not capable of giving.

I realize that I have bigger things at hand and now is not really the time to be doing all this stuff...

I don't know...I'm at a total loss now...

Happy Birthday to Shan!

Happy Birthday to you, Shan. It's a simple meal but hope you liked it.

Relieved...NOT!

First of all, thank you to each and everyone of you who have taken the time to answer my doubts in any way. The weight tying me down is gradually getting lighter, courtesy to y'all who have stepped into my life and made me feel I am worthy to be a friend.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank y'all...

I can never say enough thank you. Just when I thought I was the most rotten soul in this accursed world, there would always be people who will show me the way...I'm really grateful for that.

...

...

Despite finding closure to an issue which had been bothering me for some time, I still feel kinda...unfulfilled and fed up with myself .

For months, I could only get to know how was she doing through my friends...never once did I actually approach her and ask her myself. Even today, only after asking a mutual friend of ours did I know about her situation.

I wished I could give her a hand...I budged, but I didn't reach her side. All I could do the whole time was to take short glances at her. But with every glance, I would think about what happened 8 months ago, when our friendship took a downturn...I couldn't help but arouse fear that she might get upset should I get too close.

I wanted to say something, but nothing came into mind, and I didn't know how or where to start...

By the end of the day, all I could do was to see her walk away. It's another 24 hours filled with regrets...regrets of not being able to close the rift between us.

For someone who can't speak up in her presence, I can only do my talking here.

...

The odds of her seeing this is pretty much zilch, but...

Get well soon...

Struggles for answers...

As I was gathering with my friends more and more frequently nowadays, a question long forgotten popped up in my head again...

A question that was never answered properly...

The question is, "Do you guys hate me?".

Seriously now, after the past few gatherings, no doubt I'm happy, but what about the people around me? I've been drifting further apart from everybody. As the conversation thins among us, I can't help but feel as if I'm slowly making an exit to the clique (again...).

I've always appreciated darkness, but such darkness is too terrifying for the likes of me. It's not long ago this question reemerged in my mind.

I wanted to get it off my mind and ask everybody this question, but as usual...I'm afraid of the negative response. Reality is harsh, we have to face it, but not everybody can accept it. I'm feeling more and more like a weakling of sorts, I don't dare to voice my thoughts face to face when it comes to a serious conversation pertaining me. Regardless if it's to my family, my peers, or the one I love...my thoughts can only go up my throat, but never out of my mouth...

That is why, I've decided to post it up here...the only place I can let people know what I'm thinking without me hesitating.

For those who sees the question, has the answer and wanna tell me about it, please do. If you wanna keep it to yourself, I'm fine with it.

However...please be honest...

Happy Birthday, Angeline!

The second consecutive birthday post, and the lucky soul is none other than the posh madame of DMD '08, Angeline!

A happy belated birthday to you, and thank you for inviting me over for the Halloween birthday party. Pardon me for my lack of creativity in my costumes...

Anyways, I've enjoyed your party very much and hoped that you did too.

It's one helluva party. There's friends crowding around downing beer and talking stuff. The best part's gotta be the ghost story session, with Kah Fai as the main storyteller and I loved every single one of it, regardless of it's genuine values.

So a big thank you, and happy birthday once again. Cheers and cares.

...

360 degrees~~~

Happy Birthday, Sean!

A very happy birthday to Sean. Celebrated his belated 17 today with a big gang related to him one way or another.

Hoped he liked it.

Besides being Sean's birthday, it's one of my happiest day in these few months...

Went back to NYP for a lecture, and I got to meet her. This will be the first time in months I've ever seen her after the incident. It's mixed emotions.

I'm really happy to be able to see her again, and I was lucky to be able to get a small glimpse of her warm smile...though that smile is not directed at me, I feel as if I'm whole again.

We still didn't spoke, and I think the rift had yet get any closer.

Despite still acting like strangers, I was really elated, that kinda summarized my feelings then...well, a big part of me is definitely over the moon.

But there's another part of me, that felt anxiety and slight fear...I'm getting afraid. Day by day I'm thinking if this is how things are going for the rest of the days.

I don't want that...

I wanna be her friend again. Not just a friend who only exist on her friend list and nothing else...I wanna be a friend like before, talking about anything under the sun.

However, I can't afford to make another mistake...

I really hope that she's only avoiding me (if she is...) because of the awkwardness, and not because she hates me...

But...is this really how things are going to continue for the remaining time?