2 months ago...
I've posted about me being a failure...and I hoped that after so long, I would have been better. However...I'm not all that better off 2 months later...
Blog hiatus for 2 months after a certain event...meanwhile, I did some self-reflection on myself. Recalling events that had taken place in the past. The bad, the worse and the worst...I've done em all. They are no big crimes...but what I've done was far more unpardonable than murder and arson...
It's been years and I can't shake this matter off my mind. I realized that the trauma that led me to those doings is not exactly a compelling reason for me to be excused. Despite my remorse and endless apologies, I know that somewhere in this world...I'm not fully forgiven...
For 2 months...I laid on my back and think back of all my sins on one end, and trying to enjoy myself as much as possible on the other...juggling so much emotions everyday at every time ain't an easy feat and damn I'm not doing it well...
It's until recently that I realized more that I'm definitely hated by many...or at the very least, I'm not needed around anymore. I can't seem to find a place to really blend in...I'm not implying anybody to like "take me in like a puppy-in-a-basket outside your door"...it's my own issue.
It's mixed emotions...
Here and there, I wished to be at both ends...but eventually, I'm at neither...I tried to be a good friend and wanna be there for anybody, but my presence only brought more awkwardness...which is felt by many including myself...
Am I being paranoid? Or perhaps I'm right...
I'm not sure...
Looks like this 2 months did more harm than good to my soul from the way I see it...
