Relieved...NOT!

First of all, thank you to each and everyone of you who have taken the time to answer my doubts in any way. The weight tying me down is gradually getting lighter, courtesy to y'all who have stepped into my life and made me feel I am worthy to be a friend.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank y'all...

I can never say enough thank you. Just when I thought I was the most rotten soul in this accursed world, there would always be people who will show me the way...I'm really grateful for that.

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Despite finding closure to an issue which had been bothering me for some time, I still feel kinda...unfulfilled and fed up with myself .

For months, I could only get to know how was she doing through my friends...never once did I actually approach her and ask her myself. Even today, only after asking a mutual friend of ours did I know about her situation.

I wished I could give her a hand...I budged, but I didn't reach her side. All I could do the whole time was to take short glances at her. But with every glance, I would think about what happened 8 months ago, when our friendship took a downturn...I couldn't help but arouse fear that she might get upset should I get too close.

I wanted to say something, but nothing came into mind, and I didn't know how or where to start...

By the end of the day, all I could do was to see her walk away. It's another 24 hours filled with regrets...regrets of not being able to close the rift between us.

For someone who can't speak up in her presence, I can only do my talking here.

...

The odds of her seeing this is pretty much zilch, but...

Get well soon...

Struggles for answers...

As I was gathering with my friends more and more frequently nowadays, a question long forgotten popped up in my head again...

A question that was never answered properly...

The question is, "Do you guys hate me?".

Seriously now, after the past few gatherings, no doubt I'm happy, but what about the people around me? I've been drifting further apart from everybody. As the conversation thins among us, I can't help but feel as if I'm slowly making an exit to the clique (again...).

I've always appreciated darkness, but such darkness is too terrifying for the likes of me. It's not long ago this question reemerged in my mind.

I wanted to get it off my mind and ask everybody this question, but as usual...I'm afraid of the negative response. Reality is harsh, we have to face it, but not everybody can accept it. I'm feeling more and more like a weakling of sorts, I don't dare to voice my thoughts face to face when it comes to a serious conversation pertaining me. Regardless if it's to my family, my peers, or the one I love...my thoughts can only go up my throat, but never out of my mouth...

That is why, I've decided to post it up here...the only place I can let people know what I'm thinking without me hesitating.

For those who sees the question, has the answer and wanna tell me about it, please do. If you wanna keep it to yourself, I'm fine with it.

However...please be honest...