It's been quite a while since I've felt this way...
This warmth...how long has it been...
I'm not sure if it's really love. Because of what I had experienced in the past, it's possible that I've got a lil phobia...but I just couldn't stop thinking about it...
It's the smile...the one smile which warmed my dark soul...
I feel the urge to see her smile occasionally, but I can't say for sure why. Especially when I saw that she's feeling down, I felt the need to lighten her up...
Is it all in order to see a smile, for my own sake? Or was it for her sake?
I can't answer that now. Maybe it's for myself after all...perhaps maybe it's all just an excuse and I'm in fact trying to be the one who brighten her day...
I'm in so much dilemma now...
Firstly, like I said I'm not sure if this is the "love" I've been searching for...
Secondly, I have no idea if she's got a partner, and of course I can't just blatantly ask her that, right?
Thirdly, someone of my status, character, mannerisms and past misdeeds...would I be given a chance?
Fourth, what if I tell her how I feel, and I would even lose her as a friend?
Lastly, I happened to know that today...someone's after her as well...this is the reason that held me back mostly. (I think that he would not be visiting this god forsaken place, thus I feel that I can safely note this down. Should he happen to read this...well I just hope that he knows that I'm not trying to sow discord or sour any relationships...)
I had always thought that so long the somebody I liked is happy, I don't mind letting my friend be her partner...I would give them both my blessings...
But I felt so empty thinking about that...
I'm afraid things would end up like my first love...an endless struggle. But I just can't let this feeling slide, and how can I ever break this news to my friend.
My soul is currently in a very chaotic situation...
Somebody...please help me...
