Would like to thank all those whom I have met these 2 days...
2 different cliques, but to the best of my knowledge, have the same intention...to "celebrate" my impending loss of hair and to a certain extent, freedom.
I'm pretty much ready for NS, and I'm confident to say that I'm experiencing minimal pressure.
Maybe because my NCC days prepared me mentally?
Perhaps...
But one thing's for sure, I've enjoyed myself for the past 2 days. I'm really glad that I got to meet out with my friends one more time before I enter the next phase in life.
First day was my NYP peers...
Sista', Lee Anne, Foler, Kai Chin, Siraj, Yu You, Clyde and Sean with Nigel joining up later in the night. Had dinner, and though I didn't eat much, I was really glad to be surrounded by my friends. Had beer after that and things would have been better if I wasn't feelin' the effects of the sleepless nights.
My bad~ =P
A couple of hours ago, had dinner with the SGSH clique. Feelin' equally happy with the SCANDALous mates around.
I'm really thankful for the people I have around me...
I thank y'all once again, my friends...the simple meet ups mean a lot to me, especially during this period of time. Thank you so much!
Oh and I have received a small gift from my dear sista'~! Really appreciate it! It's now part of my "must-wear accessories"...when I'm out as a civilian though. Thanks~!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
A lil' better...
Been thinking a lot these 2 days...
To be frank , I have yet to thoroughly sort out my thoughts just yet, but I'm definitely feeling a lil' bit better.
It's probably the Shawn Michaels VS Bret Hart DVD. Seeing their reconciliation makes me wanna' look up some of the guys I know and call for a truce.
I'm sure this is no secret...I'm not a good person. I may not have committed murder or arson (yet...), but I have done some rather hideous things to some people...
Lies were told...
Backs were stabbed...
Souls wounded...
Bodies bruised...
Some qualities I've always despised are actually qualities I once had...maybe not till the very extreme, but I'm nonetheless guilty of possessing those qualities.
For the past 2 days, I've done deeper soul searching than I have ever done before, but sadly, I still haven't got the courage to meet some of 'em face to face, neither do I have a proper solution to make my position a lil' more prominent...
But life goes on, and so today I sat down and watched the WWE DVD.
I thought I knew a lot about Bret and Shawn and that night at Montreal...but after watching the entire interview, I realized I know nothing about them.
The part that truly got my attention was when they were talkin' about their reconciliation. Eyes turned red and tears were shed...as a wrestling fan, I felt the emotion emanating from both men and was getting watery eyes as well...especially when they showed the clip when Bret and Shawn hugged on RAW, 4th January 2010.
I've already seen that episode of RAW 1 year ago, but watching it again today was extra heartwarming and it definitely meant much more.
I've known all along that I was the one who made the wrong moves and the wrong decisions to certain issues...and after today, I would love to meet some of those guys again in hopes that we can all bury the hatchet, regardless of whether they still bear a grudge against me for my actions back then or not.
There is a handful of souls however, whom I would rather not propose a truce...despite my desire for complete tranquility in my mind, I just cannot condone what those people have done.
To those whom I've truly did wrong to due to my egoistical/reckless/unreasonable/irresponsible decisions in the past, I'm willing to apologize face to face and offer my hand in peace.
To those whom I MIGHT have done something wrong to but I feel no guilt whatsoever...in fact I feel justified, because they have dealt an absurdly immense blow unto me...I just can't find it in my heart to reconciliate with 'em.
Fortunately, it's not a very big number.
No matter, I hereby sincerely thank Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Jim Ross for putting that DVD together. Not only did it enlighten the wrestling fans about the Hart-Heart rivalry, but it too brought certain peace to me. Thank you, gentlemen!
Next, I would like to thank those whom I have hurt, but chose to forgive me in any way (I might not know it...).
I've been saying countless sorry(s) and thank you(s) to my peers, but I want y'all to know, when I say (or type for this matter) them, not once did they not come from my heart...especially as I grow up and learned my mistakes back in the days, all the more am I apologetic.
To those whom I have hurt, and haven't forgiven me...I hope one day I'll be able to find my way back to you and offer my apologies. Whether or not I'm forgiven, it's your decision...
Perhaps one of the most emotional days I've had...and one of the most emotional posts I've made. Good night to all, and may a good day awaits~❤
To be frank , I have yet to thoroughly sort out my thoughts just yet, but I'm definitely feeling a lil' bit better.
It's probably the Shawn Michaels VS Bret Hart DVD. Seeing their reconciliation makes me wanna' look up some of the guys I know and call for a truce.
I'm sure this is no secret...I'm not a good person. I may not have committed murder or arson (yet...), but I have done some rather hideous things to some people...
Lies were told...
Backs were stabbed...
Souls wounded...
Bodies bruised...
Some qualities I've always despised are actually qualities I once had...maybe not till the very extreme, but I'm nonetheless guilty of possessing those qualities.
For the past 2 days, I've done deeper soul searching than I have ever done before, but sadly, I still haven't got the courage to meet some of 'em face to face, neither do I have a proper solution to make my position a lil' more prominent...
But life goes on, and so today I sat down and watched the WWE DVD.
I thought I knew a lot about Bret and Shawn and that night at Montreal...but after watching the entire interview, I realized I know nothing about them.
The part that truly got my attention was when they were talkin' about their reconciliation. Eyes turned red and tears were shed...as a wrestling fan, I felt the emotion emanating from both men and was getting watery eyes as well...especially when they showed the clip when Bret and Shawn hugged on RAW, 4th January 2010.
I've already seen that episode of RAW 1 year ago, but watching it again today was extra heartwarming and it definitely meant much more.
I've known all along that I was the one who made the wrong moves and the wrong decisions to certain issues...and after today, I would love to meet some of those guys again in hopes that we can all bury the hatchet, regardless of whether they still bear a grudge against me for my actions back then or not.
There is a handful of souls however, whom I would rather not propose a truce...despite my desire for complete tranquility in my mind, I just cannot condone what those people have done.
To those whom I've truly did wrong to due to my egoistical/reckless/unreasonable/irresponsible decisions in the past, I'm willing to apologize face to face and offer my hand in peace.
To those whom I MIGHT have done something wrong to but I feel no guilt whatsoever...in fact I feel justified, because they have dealt an absurdly immense blow unto me...I just can't find it in my heart to reconciliate with 'em.
Fortunately, it's not a very big number.
No matter, I hereby sincerely thank Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Jim Ross for putting that DVD together. Not only did it enlighten the wrestling fans about the Hart-Heart rivalry, but it too brought certain peace to me. Thank you, gentlemen!
Next, I would like to thank those whom I have hurt, but chose to forgive me in any way (I might not know it...).
I've been saying countless sorry(s) and thank you(s) to my peers, but I want y'all to know, when I say (or type for this matter) them, not once did they not come from my heart...especially as I grow up and learned my mistakes back in the days, all the more am I apologetic.
To those whom I have hurt, and haven't forgiven me...I hope one day I'll be able to find my way back to you and offer my apologies. Whether or not I'm forgiven, it's your decision...
Perhaps one of the most emotional days I've had...and one of the most emotional posts I've made. Good night to all, and may a good day awaits~❤
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Incorrigible
Pessimism...
Past memories flooding back. A lot has been on my mind ever since I......never mind.
It's not the first time I started recollecting past events...but this time, it has gotten stronger. From those hellish days in primary school all the way to my recent days...
I can almost never stop thinking...
Things that I did wrong came back to haunt me one by one despite my best efforts to atone for what I have done. I'm starting to lock myself away again...in my lil' world filled with negative emotions.
And today, had a pretty rough time when my knee gave out on me again. I'm not gonna' use it as an excuse for my bad skills...I admit that I'm bad when it comes to that sport, but the bad knee delivered the coup de grâce to my pride.
God I hate it when I cannot even accomplish the simplest of task like stopping a ball...in my book, being hurt is not an excuse.
I might be contradicting myself in certain ways with the statement above, but at the very moment when I failed to deliver, that was how I felt.
Thinking is such a scary ability. An active brain and a guilty soul makes a deadly combination...
When can I ever stop getting tortured by these thoughts. I yearn certain tranquility, a small reprieve that enables my mind to rest. I don't know how much more I can take before I either snap or break down...
Seriously, there are times when I'm on the verge of insanity holding back my guilt and tears...I'm getting really close to the brim.
It's really tiring leading a life like mine...and knowing that people around me will not like it but am still doing it because I'm not good at handling my own shit is just as disheartening...
More than once I have thought...
If only that particular soul could bring down the finishing blow years ago...
Past memories flooding back. A lot has been on my mind ever since I......never mind.
It's not the first time I started recollecting past events...but this time, it has gotten stronger. From those hellish days in primary school all the way to my recent days...
I can almost never stop thinking...
Things that I did wrong came back to haunt me one by one despite my best efforts to atone for what I have done. I'm starting to lock myself away again...in my lil' world filled with negative emotions.
And today, had a pretty rough time when my knee gave out on me again. I'm not gonna' use it as an excuse for my bad skills...I admit that I'm bad when it comes to that sport, but the bad knee delivered the coup de grâce to my pride.
God I hate it when I cannot even accomplish the simplest of task like stopping a ball...in my book, being hurt is not an excuse.
I might be contradicting myself in certain ways with the statement above, but at the very moment when I failed to deliver, that was how I felt.
Thinking is such a scary ability. An active brain and a guilty soul makes a deadly combination...
When can I ever stop getting tortured by these thoughts. I yearn certain tranquility, a small reprieve that enables my mind to rest. I don't know how much more I can take before I either snap or break down...
Seriously, there are times when I'm on the verge of insanity holding back my guilt and tears...I'm getting really close to the brim.
It's really tiring leading a life like mine...and knowing that people around me will not like it but am still doing it because I'm not good at handling my own shit is just as disheartening...
More than once I have thought...
If only that particular soul could bring down the finishing blow years ago...
Friday, October 14, 2011
Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence
After much procrastination, I have finally managed to clear the one music I've always wanted to play on a piano...
It's not played note for note like what the score intended, there are mild differences, but I believe I pretty much got the melody correct...I guess?
No matter, it's not even worthy enough to be compared to the original piece played by Sakamoto Ryuichi, but I'm happy that I got to play it out in full for myself. Would love to try it on a grand piano though...
Anyway, hopefully I would face minimal problems this Saturday during the jamming session when I play this music.
It's not played note for note like what the score intended, there are mild differences, but I believe I pretty much got the melody correct...I guess?
No matter, it's not even worthy enough to be compared to the original piece played by Sakamoto Ryuichi, but I'm happy that I got to play it out in full for myself. Would love to try it on a grand piano though...
Anyway, hopefully I would face minimal problems this Saturday during the jamming session when I play this music.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Death brings peace...
It's 0444 on my clock...and I'm still awake.
It's no surprise to many why. Firstly, I have a screwed up body clock. Secondly, I think a lot...and they are not exactly productive thoughts.
Just watched X-Men Orgins: Wolverine again...and I paid extra attention this time when Kayla told the love story between the moon and the wolverine. After that, I pretty much got sidetracked and left the movie running while I stared into space and started refreshing my memory about various things.
A tweet I just made, "Thus far I had 2 moons in my life...but am neither's wolverine..."
I'm sure there is no secret what or who those 2 moons are, and what or who the wolverine is referring to. Though this wolverine didn't get fooled by anybody to leave its realm and collect flowers for the moon, the ending still fits...
The wolverine lost the moon as a companion...
I choked a lil' when I realized the matching factors.
Twice I've went through this process, and I'm not sure if I'll be going through it for the 3rd time...
Apparently my brain's gonna' work this way for the rest of my life, regardless of whether I'll be lookin' back at my love life, my misdoings, people I've lied to, people I've hurt...doubt there is going to be any signs of reprieve...
...until death that is...
It's no surprise to many why. Firstly, I have a screwed up body clock. Secondly, I think a lot...and they are not exactly productive thoughts.
Just watched X-Men Orgins: Wolverine again...and I paid extra attention this time when Kayla told the love story between the moon and the wolverine. After that, I pretty much got sidetracked and left the movie running while I stared into space and started refreshing my memory about various things.
A tweet I just made, "Thus far I had 2 moons in my life...but am neither's wolverine..."
I'm sure there is no secret what or who those 2 moons are, and what or who the wolverine is referring to. Though this wolverine didn't get fooled by anybody to leave its realm and collect flowers for the moon, the ending still fits...
The wolverine lost the moon as a companion...
I choked a lil' when I realized the matching factors.
Twice I've went through this process, and I'm not sure if I'll be going through it for the 3rd time...
Apparently my brain's gonna' work this way for the rest of my life, regardless of whether I'll be lookin' back at my love life, my misdoings, people I've lied to, people I've hurt...doubt there is going to be any signs of reprieve...
...until death that is...
Sunday, October 09, 2011
Revival
Deserted this place for quite some time already...no matter, I have no intentions of closing it down, so might as well continue ta' shoot the shit.
Anyways, have been spending quite some time with a new clique I joined a couple of months back. Joined a forum called SCANDAL Heaven, and met a couple of guys residing in Singapore who are part of this community.
Really great souls. Well, mixing in isn't easy (as usual), but since we all have a similar interest, I guess it's not completely fruitless. Time went by and got to talk to 'em more...and thanks to some of 'em, I even started using Twitter! Something I never thought I'd ever use...
But what's done is done, now I have a Twitter account and it's just another place for me to rant...
Besides Twitter, I tried playing a sport I never thought I'd play as well...soccer.
To be absolutely frank with you, it's really not my type of sports...for now that is. I tend to panic when I get the ball under my foot, I play rough, and most importantly...I can't kick the ball good enough. But thus far, I have went for 2 soccer sessions with the SH guys, and despite my statement above, I had fun.
But for those who know me well, there's one very crucial thing about my attitude that they should know...I've said it umpteen times, and I'll say it again...
Besides hating to lose, I tend to get pissed at myself for not being able to get a job done right.
Although the SH clique reassures me that they don't blame me for my poor skills, I still scold myself for being a total klutz. Nothing personal, it's just how my mind works...
But the bottomline is, it's fun taking part in the soccer session with 'em despite the fact that my body had kinda' given way a couple of times. Thanks, SHSG! I really appreciate it guys!
Alright, before I conclude my first blog post in a long while, thought I'll share some drawings I have done just to let people know I haven't been just idling my time away doing nothing...but still, no colors. XD
Bleach crossovers...
HARUNA X Zaraki Kenpachi
RINA X Hitsugaya Toushiro
TOMOMI X Kyouraku Shunsui
MAMI X Kuchiki Byakuya
A younger version oF Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni...
Thaz'all folks...
Oh and I'll be lookin' forward to seeing you and Lee Anne again, Sista'!
Anyways, have been spending quite some time with a new clique I joined a couple of months back. Joined a forum called SCANDAL Heaven, and met a couple of guys residing in Singapore who are part of this community.
Really great souls. Well, mixing in isn't easy (as usual), but since we all have a similar interest, I guess it's not completely fruitless. Time went by and got to talk to 'em more...and thanks to some of 'em, I even started using Twitter! Something I never thought I'd ever use...
But what's done is done, now I have a Twitter account and it's just another place for me to rant...
Besides Twitter, I tried playing a sport I never thought I'd play as well...soccer.
To be absolutely frank with you, it's really not my type of sports...for now that is. I tend to panic when I get the ball under my foot, I play rough, and most importantly...I can't kick the ball good enough. But thus far, I have went for 2 soccer sessions with the SH guys, and despite my statement above, I had fun.
But for those who know me well, there's one very crucial thing about my attitude that they should know...I've said it umpteen times, and I'll say it again...
Besides hating to lose, I tend to get pissed at myself for not being able to get a job done right.
Although the SH clique reassures me that they don't blame me for my poor skills, I still scold myself for being a total klutz. Nothing personal, it's just how my mind works...
But the bottomline is, it's fun taking part in the soccer session with 'em despite the fact that my body had kinda' given way a couple of times. Thanks, SHSG! I really appreciate it guys!
Alright, before I conclude my first blog post in a long while, thought I'll share some drawings I have done just to let people know I haven't been just idling my time away doing nothing...but still, no colors. XD
Bleach crossovers...
HARUNA X Zaraki Kenpachi
RINA X Hitsugaya Toushiro
TOMOMI X Kyouraku Shunsui
MAMI X Kuchiki Byakuya
A younger version oF Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni...
Thaz'all folks...
Oh and I'll be lookin' forward to seeing you and Lee Anne again, Sista'!
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