Yes...it's going to be yet another moody post, despite this being the first update after a while.
I think many people are sick of hearing me saying the same old stuff over and over again, but that's the life I have been leading. I reminisce on everything and anything - usually negative - that happened in my life.
Now I know that it's not really a healthy hobby, but I can't help brooding over issues, for I'm not good at letting go. Be it joy, grudges, or regrets, loads of em etched themselves into my mind. Of course, I don't have to elaborate which of the most troubling issues I've been recollecting these months.
People told me to get a grip, and forget about it for holding onto it will do me nothing good, especially when I'm the passive type and didn't really do much of anything to redeem my undoings.
Well, that's how good I'm at dealing with issues such as relationships.
It's good to see that at least she's active on Facebook. We still didn't talk, although I did hover my mouse cursor over to her tab, and all that I'm left to do is to click on it and type something...
I didn't...
I'm still afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of her cold shoulder, afraid that my initiative may change her mood for the worse.
I just wanna know if she's doing fine these days. I mean, I could have at least asked one of her friends whom I hanged out with for the last few sessions with the rest of my peers...but I didn't do so.
I've thought of a couple of answers she might say, and I'm kinda afraid that she might say that it's none of my business or something of sorts.
It's a gamble, but I couldn't take the risk. I don't know what will happen should I lost the bet. I'll be frank...I've been feeling kinda okay because I have my peers around. I appreciate them being there with me and sharing the joy, but occasionally, my mind would drift away and the next thing I know, I would be thinking of her again...and I would just stop enjoying myself...
That happened on certain nights when I'm lying on my bed thinking of random things. And when thoughts of her flashed into my mind, I just couldn't stop cursing myself for everything.
I reckon that some of my friends are starting to get sick and tired of me spoiling the party. I recognize that and yet I'm still doing it.
I apologize to all those whom are disgusted by my sudden mood swings and dislike the fact that me being a wet blanket like always.
I remembered somebody told me that girls dislike guys who keep apologizing as he would seem weak. That maybe a good point from a female perspective, but I'm doing it nonetheless, for me looking weak is no longer that much of a issue since many of my peers had already seen it or probably knew about it.
As long as I think what I'm doing is right, and so long I'm able to let her feel more at ease, I'm willing to be a weakling...
