A BIG BIG "girl" in a BIG BIG world...

Just like past few days, I'm pretty high today as well. You all should know why...

Lesson is fun today. Worked with Final Cut Pro again, but this time, we made our very own montage...or however you spell that. Guess what...I spent the entire lesson just to complete 20 seconds of my 2 minutes clip. Excluding the "tutor talk and we shuddup" part, that's around 2 hours + like that. So on average...it's 1 hour to complete 10 seconds.

DAMN SIAN!

Wished I could have done faster than that...but overall, it's still fun.

Next go makan with peeps, and Addy, Yong Kiat and me are starting to have dirty topics to talk about. Mostly is about me being a woman......

Ok ok skip that part...no way in hell am I gonna talk about that here. Anyways, we had lots of "fun" there, while Vanessa, Fernanders and Zhi Xian were wrestling with their psp......

Went home shortly after Fernanders have done tearing asses up in Naruto. The 22 bus ride was one helluva experience. I wonder what it ran over...perhaps just some curb at the bus stop there, and the bus jerked DAMN hard lah. And I suay suay sit at the furthest back's corner playing my psp...so you can guess what happened next...

No matter...I survived that crisis of a lifetime...

WOW...alright ignore that...

And now, Maple is pissing me off...I can't seem to even go to the log in page. Damn sian de loh. The server should still be open now mah, why can't go in sia...

Ah...don't care le......

Feel like sleeping sia......zzzzzz

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The following message is only meant for the one unfortunate soul who deserves to be executed...so those who are not related, please leave before you get pissed off by my ego......

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"If you're looking at this now, I would like for you to arrange a time in order for us to meet. I'm sick and tired of your nonsense...sending me messages to threaten me? Tch...you think that will intimidate me? Come on...you know me the best...so lemme tell you what. Let's settle this once and for all. Bring your "darling" ass-chap out as well, and let's finish this face to face. Bring any other "brothers" or "sisters" you can find...I don't care about the number's game. No matter how many peeps you find, I will confront you guys myself. If you remember what I told you about honor in such situations, I advice you to think twice. But if you insist on killing me off...so be it.

Be glad that I didn't mention your name up here. I know you're not on good terms with some guys out there. Putting up your name will only invite trouble for you, don't it. Well? Fair, ain't I.

Speaking of which...tag my blog if you dare...spam it if you feel like it. I know you visits this place often...but never leaving a message...

Tch...I'll be waiting...bitch..."

Real? Who cares. Devastating? DEFINITELY!

Alright...for those of you who don't really know what my previous post is all about, here's a video to summarize what I said...



I saw people commenting that when Undertaker applied the choke hold, the other party was actually happily munching on some blood pills to make blood "flow" from their mouth...thus depicting the devastating effect.

So do you bleed from a crushed larynx or not? If not...how do you explain my situation with Stan? I mean...I'm seriously pissed off and I just took him down and slapped the choke hold without second thoughts, and he started to bleed through his nose and mouth as time passed. Furthermore...where the hell do you expect us to find blood pills out of the blue. So is that due to some other causes or what? Well...who cares...it's up to you guys to figure it out. For my case...like I said before...as long as the other party is hurt and in pain, I don't really give a damn what happens...

Anyways...after days and days of serious thoughts...I'm finally playing the song War again...

Lol...Yong Kiat was like...

Ohhh Nooo...

Tell me this ain't happening...

And today is damn shag de lah...after school, Yong Kiat, Addy and her friend, Zhi Xian and I are having dinner. Mr Jiunn joined us later when we are having desserts. I believe when he left, we started to talk about *ahem*, *ahem* and more *ahem*...

Ok ok...I shall uncensored them...

*Ahem* = Cocks...
*Ahem* = Bladders...cos Addy just gotta pee...
*Ahem* = What else...sex loh...

RAWR!

It's kinda against my principle to talk about all these stuff...but...you gotta know...it's kinda fun also. I don't think it'll do much harm being dirty once in a while...don'tcha think?

Then came the painful part...we went up to Mac lab to clear up our Color Theory as much as possible. The scanner is one helluva big time pain in the ass man...it took us quite some time before we can actually get it to work properly and scan in our individual work...

Done...went on to my next task...my achromatic and monochromatic thingys. Sadly...didn't get to complete em on time. Guess I would have to chiong em tomorrow.

Damn tired now...guess I'll go sleep now...zzzzzz. Tomorrow's lecture start at 0800 sia...sure hope that I won't be late...

Sad? Nah...

Ho...I'm feeling kinda light considering that I have so much to trouble for. Especially the most recent backstabbing issue...

Well ok...I'm kinda down when I learnt that my lil god-sister betrayed me. But after a day or two...I'm actually smiling. Heh...I'm really happy...really really happy. I may have gone insane...but on a second thought...I was never sane for as far as I can remember.

Why am I happy? Because I may have found myself a new victim...no no...make that 2 victims. Victims of a submission choke hold...called Gogoplata...I think...a hold which I learnt from Youtube and my idol, Undertaker...

Hey...wrestling maybe fake...but hell...the maneuvers are as deadly as they seem should they be applied correctly. Stanley was my first victim for pissing me off big time...you can ask him what happened and how he paid the price...

Can you imagine...a male larger in size...he just started to bleed from his nose and mouth when I applied that hold...and he began to tap my leg profusely, indicating that he gave up...

Can you imagine...a male larger in size...he actually started gasping for air when you broke the hold, coughing blood while breathing them in at the same time, and his eyes looking up helplessly at you...his soul at your mercy...

He may have bit his lips and bled...who cares...the important thing is that he's hurt. So long that he feels the pain, I don't care if the blood came from his lips or damaged larynx...

When all that happened...the only thing I was thinking was that...

It worked...

It actually worked?!

Well...I won't say that I can apply that hold to everybody...because I believe somebody out there is capable of breaking the hold or reversing it. Also...I don't see a point in applying that hold...unless the other party deserves it...like the adulterous pair I know...

Ohhh...thinking about it makes my blood boil...in excitement. I really wonder what their facial expression will be like when I start inflicting pain to their throat...and eventually crushing their larynx...

If you don't believe that the choke hold is devastating, just try pushing your larynx area with your fingers...now press em hard...how does it feel?

SHIOK RIGHT?

Now imagine if your larynx is being pushed against the shin of another person...HARD! Heh...can you imagine the damage that will be dealt...

Oh I just can't wait to draw some blood from those assholes...

I'll...be...waiting......

Backstabbed...

How does it feel...to be stabbed in the back...by a person you considered to be one of the closest...

Lemme tell you...it hurts...and it hurts real bad...

Why...why would you do that. I don't remember treating you badly before. I've never thought of disowning you as my god-lil sis. We've watched each other's back for years...and now, you made use of our relationship...caught me off-guard and stabbed me in the back...

What can that man give you? You knew that I and him are not on good terms...we're after each other's blood...and yet, you still followed him, and cast me aside?

You sided him when we exchanged blows. You let him shoved me...and stopped me when I shoved him back. You watched as he slapped me...and when I punched him in the face...you pulled me back and slapped me twice...what the hell is wrong with you?

You're afraid that he gets hurt...but you don't give a fucking damn about what happens to me......

Since I'm the youngest in the family...I never knew how does it feel to have a younger sibling...and when you showed up, I tried my best to be as much as a big brother to you. I taught you things...fought for your rights, although I'm not exactly a pai kia...I don't have a gang...and I'm not much of a fighter...but I tried my best to protect you, didn't I?

It really saddens me when you...YOU...of all people...betrayed me, after I've done my best, and gave you the best there is.

You said that I deserved it...
You said that I was stupid...
You said that I was too gullible...
You said that I was a failure...
You said that you had never regarded me as a elder brother...

That last line struck me deep in the soul...after all the ordeals we have been through together...and with you calling me korkor everywhere we go...such nostalgic memories...you have just smashed em into nothingness...

I guess you're right...

I deserved every single bit of this...I've never really treated anybody well...I am stupid...I am gullible...and I'm definitely a BIG failure...

Tch...retribution eh?

If you hate me...just tell me face to face...there's no need for you to act all nice and force yourself to be a hypocrite and pretend to be my lil sister...

Did you do this just because I didn't meet you often since graduating from primary school? Or is it that you've planned this right from the beginning when we became god-siblings?

I don't really wanna know...

I hate to say this...but from the looks of things, it seems like our relationship is through......

But let me make myself clear...should you cause me any trouble in the future...I don't care if you are taking orders from that son of a bitch or what...I don't care if you were my god-lil sister or not...I'm going to hurt you...and I'm going to hurt you bad......

Mark my words......

Jingle Bombs

Still slacking off my work...just don't seem to be in the mood to do anything...so guess what...went to Youtube and searched for a couple of videos, and watched some already seen videos.

Just feel like sharing this one...



Yeah...it seemed a lil' too early for Christmas...but this video is just too good. How much trouble does one puppeteer have to go through to even master the basics to add life to the puppets. But to sing and sometimes switching voices between himself and the puppet without confusing oneself is definitely phenomenal...

Ok ok...enough compliments...this is spoiling my image...

Alright...tsugi no widio...

This video's gonna take some time...especially the last part of it...you've been warned...



The one below is of the same show...but the language is slightly......different...



Next is the slight copy of Family Guy...Sasuke and Itachi Version. Damn...I wished Itachi would have activated his Mangekyou Sharingan then...



Wooo...I'm on a video spree today...and I'm still not in the mood for any work. So I guess I'll chiong my homework later in the evening...

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Huh...yeah...

What is it good for...

Absolutely nothing...

WAAARRR!!!

WAR

What is it good for...

Absolutely nothing...

Woohoo I'm getting high over another song since yesterday...I think. And I mean HIGH over the song.

Those who watch Rush Hour should know the song "War" by Edwin Starr. Yeah...my ass itched...so I went to watch Rush Hour 3 on my laptop...it played the song for a short period of time at the end. Kinda glad they put it on again.

War...huh...yeah...

What is it good for...

Absolutely nothing...

Say it again, y'all...

This is damn kwl man...it's pretty easy for me to get all high over songs recently.

Ok ok...for those of you who doesn't know what the hell is going on...although it's something which I seriously doubt will happen, you can scroll down and stone at the video...

Behold...and be fascinated by the awe-inspiring mouths of Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker...

I like the way how they dance...



The song is mainly for my own pleasure, but I don't mind sharing...since it's the full version of the song...

WHO WANTS TO DIE!

What is it good for...

Absolutely nothing...

Super Phun Time

YEAH! Still having lots of fun killing people. Seeing how they run around with a burning body slowing eating away their lives...and finally seeing them drop dead with the corpse being burnt down to a crisp with not even a piece of shit left really cranks me up.

I'm so DAMN high now. WEE! I haven't had so much fun in a long while. Totemo tanoshimi na...

ZETTAI TANOSHIMI DA ZO!!!

Hah...now I'm getting way too high...so high that I believe I can just grab my brother's sword...run down to the coffee shop and start a massacre there.

Hmmm...that doesn't sound much fun, does it? How about going to the police station and thrust the sword right through a jackass's face...or perhaps up his ass, through his guts and out from the mouth?

Hehah...nah that wouldn't happen...since my bro is the guardian of the sword and he'll definitely...and I mean DEFINITELY...wouldn't let me take it out of the house...

Grrr...how sian...

Oh oh oh oh...and and and I've just completed my Bleach 5! Well...I dunno if the voice system for Kenpachi's available for unlocking...but I've got all the characters, their alternate forms and maps.

Kwl right...

Yeah yeah...whatever...fancy getting high over minor issues...how insane can I get...

Luckily tomorrow's Vesak Day...so no school. Can't imagine what I'll do if I were to head on to school when I'm on high mode...I think I would just jump onto any random Group 3 member and toss him/her down the building.

Nah...just kidding...there's no way I'm gonna end any of my precious friendship with any of them just for the sake of satisfying my sadistic ego...so don't worry Yong Kiat...your ass is safe...at least for now...

Yay...I'm gonna sleep in tomorrow man...

ZZZzzzZZZzzz

Grand Theft Auto

Wee...GTA is fun man. I bet it's the game for people with a sick and twisted personality like me. Who cares about missions man...the game is about kicking asses and consuming every single living soul you come across.

So you can expect what I'm doing in the game...

It's damn shiok de lah. I tossed gasoline...or whatever that thing is which bursts into flame within a radius upon hitting the ground. Direct hit on some pedestrians. They are screaming like pigs being slaughtered sia. The more they scream, the bigger my smile goes. It just happened all so naturally...I seriously couldn't help it.

That's not all ya' know. *Hic* I summoned a Rhino...a tank...not the animal...rode on it, ran over pedestrians, blowing up vehicles in my way or blasting whatever that is ahead of me. Police...ambulance...trucks or just some random jackass walking by...I massacred 'em all.

Should I get bored over my mobile armor...I can lay down a bomb or two and stalk anyone...anything that are coming my way...and...

BOOOM!!!

Oh yeah...I've got infinite life...therefore being caught in the explosion is like...so what...no kick.

Hey...don't think for 1 second that I'm done being a tyrant in my realm of anguish, torture, chaos and death. Yup...that's not all...I can always go around and cut up those poor unfortunate souls with my chainsaw or behead 'em with my beloved katana. Seeing how their heads flies off really opens up my appetite man...

Wow...such a marvelous game...I believe I said it before, but I'll say it again. GTA is a game meant for cheats. At least that applies for me. So far that's the only game I play with such heavy cheats, and I'm actually enjoying it...

Hehe omoshiroi...guess I've got something to soothe my soul when I get pissed. But I think I'll just go execute some of those pathetic souls whenever I want to......

Grrrr

DAMN IT!

It's so freaking noisy outside lah. Construction work...what do you expect. Noise noise AND MORE NOISE! It's damn sian de loh, no place is ideal for me to do my work sia. Kinda regretted why I didn't chiong my homework last night...since I slept at...0200 I think...or close to that.

And now, I will have to try and focus with all the noise around me...full blast my music also cannot fight the noise very well...cause my earpiece is not that kind, according to Vanessa, the one which blocks off all sound from outside...

Yeah, kwl right? People drop 1 atomic bomb nearby also can't hear the explosion, but you will get caught in it eventually...so there's not quite much difference...

Well...at least my One-Winged Angel is loud enough to consume some of the disturbance...but listening to one song very de sian leh, especially since I've been like playing the song for days...well...at least not for 24/7, but it's still played on a long term basis.

But no matter...I shall continue working on my assignments. So wish me luck that the crew will knock off soon...

Turn...me...on...

Yes. The day has finally arrived. Bleach Heat The Soul 5 is up. Just downloaded the file through torrent...luckily there's plenty of seeds for me to leech. Thus the fast download.

The game is...I would say...

Fun...at least for now...don't know when I'll grow tired of it. But definitely not anytime soon. And the good thing about this game is that, Zaraki Kenpachi is available at the start of the game.

WOOO!

Come on...do it with me...

WOOO!

Again...

WOOO!

Alright alright that's enough. Well, I guess I'm gonna slack off my work for some time again to try out the new game. Hopefully I wouldn't forget about completing my homework...

Ciaos.

Gotta need a breather...

Aww man...work is starting to pile up again. It seems to me that my weekends are shut again, but luckily Monday is a public holiday...or is it? Ah who cares...but I seriously need a rest from all these work man...

It's been...er...1 month? And here am I still yet able cope with the stress completely. But hey...I tried to do it, didn't I, and guess what, I can deal with a portion of them just fine.

DAMN! ALL THESE STRESS IS MAKING ME DROP MORE HAIR!

And to make matters worse...there are these bugs that are flying around the light source...in this case, my table lamp...and it's so freaking irritating lah. Occasionally they will just fly past my line of vision...it really pisses me off man...

What happened next? You can easily guess what I'll do if you know me.

That's right...I killed them...one by one...giving them slow...and painful death. Some of them are rather lucky when I granted them instant death which literally pulverized what's remained of their cursed carcasses...

It's kinda fun actually...especially when I'm pissed and I'm high on my sadistic mode. You can feel their frail lil body being reduced close to nothing...

Well, don't think that I will only pick on the weak...I've taken down people larger than me. Well...not exactly did I pick on them...but they pissed me off...and so, what else...I punished them...MY WAY!

Hehe...Stanley...that part sounds nostalgic doesn't it...you're more than welcome to attempt testing my patience again, but I'll make sure that you'll bleed more than you did last time...

ANYWAY...

Here's a lil song which I find quite interesting...

The dead has risen...again...

WOW! I can't believe that I have actually survived a day without using my laptop. Well...to be precise, it's that I'm not able to because my eyes are hurting me, and so I can't really use the laptop for a very long time...like that I might as well don't use.

Today is no different. That's why I was like...according to Addy...a lil quiet for these 2 days. Yeah I admit, I was emoing over you-know-what, but that was only part of the reason why I was so low-spirited. The other part?

MY EYES OF COURSE!

I can't afford to talk too much as it will put more strain to my eyes...I dunno why, but whenever I speak, my eyes will start to irritate me more...so sorry if I was so out of the occasion these 2 days...

RAWR!

But no matter...I think I will still continue wearing my contact lens until I have reached my ULTIMATE limit...

Now it's slightly better because I let my eyes rest earlier from the contacts since I removed them at school today instead of donging until I reach home...but then I missed yet another sketch group session...how sian. But bo bian...how are you gonna draw with your eyes irritating the helluva you like that.

YAY!

So it's seems to me that I'm 1/2 recovered from my hurting eyes, and my emotional wounds are closing faster than I thought...hopefully...

So welcome me and my eyes back people!

*Middle Fingers* + *Crotch chop*

**Those of you who believes, and insists that I'm just trying to act kwl over all these things...well, that's your problem. Because I can feel some strange glances on me, as if to say, "Act emo nia". I dunno who threw those glances...maybe from strangers? I dunno, but I can feel them. So don't piss me off with this issue...because I'm DAMN sick and tired of defending me and my emotions in such troublesome matters since Secondary education. All I could say is put yourself in my shoes and see everything for yourself...believe or not...it's entirely up to you...**

Wish you well...

I had one of the most wonderful dream...as well as the most painful nightmare ever last night.

It's a dream about me seeing a girl off at the airport...it's pretty dramatic actually. It's as if some sort of storyline from the TV serials.

I was there, finally able to look at her eye to eye. Although it's not reality, I'm conceited so long that I can see her again. I talked to her, thanked her for everything...and ended the conversation with a handshake...before she said "Goodbye". That moment is heart-wrenching...I think I held back my tears that time...

I stood there while watching her figure disappear slowly into the departure hall...

She turned back and smiled......I believe...for the last time...

How I wish that time will stop there, and that I will never wake up from that moment...but it never happened. I woke up shortly after...only to find myself on my bed...wet on my face...and the emotions never fail to stop flowing from my eyes for quite some time......

I guess the dream is a signal for me. A cue for me to finally drop the burden, a burden which I have been trying to set adrift for months...this time, I'll try letting go once more...and hopefully this time, it will be freed...

But I never forget her as a friend...

送君千里, 终须一别,
他日草桥再会, 我们就能够再续前缘...

Thanks a lot, Stelene...希望你能永保安康...

Let's tennis...

Damn shag today lah. Although class start at 1010...I like still didn't get enough sleep.

Alright...started the day with VASTR...where we got our hands on some of the most interesting software we have ever met...well, at least that's what I feel. Played around with it and lesson's over. Go for makan, and then headed for Queenstown there, to get our gears for tomorrow's tennis orientation.

We then came into this shop, with a real kwl shopkeeper. He's one of the most socializing dudes I have ever seen. He even thought that my extension is for real. Well...that makes it kinda worthwhile.

We diaoed at there for quite some time...then we left...

DUH?!

Fery's got a lil problem with his contact lens. Time for you to rest up a bit I guess? Well, hope it wouldn't really affect his eyesight from then on.

We then headed for Subway while Vanessa was racing against bus 51. Did she win? I don't know, but she's got an early start...so I guess that's a yes?

Anyway, we finish our food and we stayed at our seats for a while, and there was this man standing behind Yong Kiat...as if stalking him like that. Finally, he opened his mouth and said..."Are you done yet?". Me and Zhi Xian was like...wtf? The seat got your name meh? We sit here a while more also cannot ah? Sit how long also not your problem...as if our ass is stuck on the chair for all eternity like that. Damn impatient sia.

But never mind, I'll be a Mr. Niceguy once more, and told the rest to leave our seats and wait for Fernanders while he's in the toilet. And there I saw him looking at me with this lan jiao bin...

WITHOUT A THANK YOU!

That moment is like...

RAWR!

How I wish I could just shout back at him...but I guess I'll be the weakling this time. Because it's like people are already diaoing me like machiam I'm an ah gua like that. Just because I have long hair doesn't mean that I'm confused about my gender OK? Therefore, don't really wanna attract more attention...

Ah whatever...

Clement then cabbed home...Fernanders took bus at the other side, Zhi Xian and Yong Kiat boarded a bus which arrived shortly after. So I'm all alone again, waiting for my 33. It took me 2 stinking hours to get to Bedok Interchange sia.

What's more sian is that both my psp and handphone ran out of batt...so I actually stoned for like...1 hour? And my eyes are reaching their limits, and my vision blurred...damn sad de lah...

Ok ok...enough of today. A lil video to close the day. I like this video like any other which interests me...

Crisis Core...Sephiroth VS Genesis & Angeal...

Collage

Just done my collage...so I'm considered free for now. Let's just hope that my efforts will not go into vain...


Trying to sell Primetime MMA gloves through this collage. Just a lil advertisement homework.

Please...do not fail me...

Big Big World

Dunno why I'm kinda into Big Big World these days. Think it started when I heard it playing at a certain store in Bugis Junction...I think, and I got a lil high about it ever since...

So what can you expect me to do from that? What else, but keep humming the song occasionally here and there...pissing asses off, but get real high on the inside...so I guess, there is a lil girlish ego living within me? But don't worry...I ain't gonna give up my pride as a man over that lil ego...I wouldn't want that anyways.....

Courtesy of Vanessa for sending me this song.

Sad to say, my Limewire is not really working well these days. Guess it was due to the fact that it remained out of action for a long time, and decided to retire...thus, I was unable to find and download the song...

Oh...and thx a lot Addy, for being so supportive of me being a gal. *hics*

So now, may I present to you the very song which made me who I am today...but not for the rest of my life...

King Vanity's Party...again...

Yesterday was the King Vanity's Party, part 2. So what do you expect...we dressed up again...

Luckily nobody laughed at my eyeliner this time...

Well...I believe I said that I'm gonna be Sephiroth, didn't I...and guess what...

I DID!

Alright alright...it's not perfectly great as it's not really what we were asked to do...and I don't have any silver...silky...straight...and sexy hair like Sephiroth's, neither do I have his fabulous shoulder armor or center plate...so the costume is budget...

Yes I know...so quit your whining and shut up...and I have extended my hair as well. How long is it eh? Let's see...past my ass?

Nah...not that long, but it's still kinda...ya know......long...

That's me......DUH?!


Ok that's not exactly Masamune I'm holding there...it's Fernanders's sword for his character...

A close-up...


Group photo...without fail...


YEAH! SORRY THAT I'M SHORT OK?

Fine...whatever......

Credits...yes, again...I don't want people to think of me as a guy who receives help and not thank them...

Shan for sponsoring the eyeliner...

Shi Wei and Evone...our marvelous eyelinerers...who have done up my eye once again, above and below respectively...

Fernanders a.k.a Sasuke turned Mr. Samurai...for lending his sword on certain occasions......he killed Mr Yu...

Vanessa a.k.a Kadaj...*hic* *hic* *hic*...for the Reunion...though it's not really a VERY successful one...but not bad at all. Yeah, the Reunion is kinda unsuccessful due to the fact that Jenova's head has been flying around with a flower blooming on the top of her head, so we'll just have to skip the "stuff the head into abdomen" part to complete the Reunion...

*hic* o_0 *hic*

And Addy... for saying that I'm...

......
.....
....
...
..
.

PRETTY! WOOHOO!

*hic* ;)

Ok ok...spare me if I have forgotten to list you up there...I've got a pretty bad memory, ya know...

Hard work

The weapon is one helluva pain in the ass...

RAWR!

Guess I'll just be Sephiroth without his Masamune...I thought that it's not gonna be that tough to make a weapon...guess I'm wrong again. I got the shapes...but it's damn, and I mean DAMN DAMN DAMN tough to saw it out from the piece of wood...

Sian...and here I thought that I can also make a Souba for Kadaj (guess who) and the Sword of Kusanagi for Sasuke (guess again)...the material is sufficient...but not the energy.

Guess I'll just put those aside for now......

I...will not remain...as a memory......

Why...why not...

Attended Addy's birthday party yesterday...and stayed till today. The party is kwl, with big rooms and with all the family and friends celebrating with you. Party of such magnitude...you just can't ask for more...

But sadly...it looks like I have ruined part of the party. It was selfish of me, to make use of someone's birthday party, and the supply of alcohol to numb myself.

I drank cups after cups of Martel...or however you spell it...and I tried to look for some drinking companions...Raymond was the first, and the last. Tried to jio Fernanders to drink with me...luckily he didn't. I was sober even after those drinks, I can still see what is happening, and I can still play Naruto on the PS2, and I've still got control over my limbs and body.

Finally...I ran into the toilet and threw up...I wanted to get drunk...I want to forget about everything, just for one night...one night only...but I couldn't. Instead, my body gave way, and I......

All I have to say...is that I'm sorry Addy...for being such a fudger by making use of your party as an human tranquilizer for myself, and as a result, I screwed your party...

I know it's not right to do so...but I really can't find any other alternatives to make me forget a certain memory...if I just leave it alone and let time take it's course, within weeks, I will go bonkers...

It's ironic......

I was in pain, and I wish to forget about her...but on a second thought, I couldn't bear to...she's important to me, but I want to escape from the crutches of those nightmares badly as well...

Call me a coward...call me an asshole or whatever you people want. Blame me...condemn me...hate me...I will not shield my ass from all your criticisms...

After all...I'm born to be hated......