I think I just made the situation even worse...
A decision was made for me to be selfish this one time, so I attempted to find out if the feeling I'm having is "the love"...but it looks like my actions backfired on me.
Things were okay for the first time, but not for the second...I think my presence made her feel uneasy during the whole trip.
Perhaps I've been too rash?
But I couldn't help it, I just wanna spend a lil more time with her. However...I don't know how to put my emotions in words. The words were in my throat, but I didn't manage to say it. I just wanna send her home one more time...but my intentions were not voiced out.
Did her impression of me just got worse...I couldn't help but keep thinking about it.
It's my fault for not asking first if she had anybody she held in her heart...but being too blunt might frighten her as well, for such issues are best kept secret for girls until they are ready to speak.
I've been trying not to be too straightforward due to past experiences from my first love...my confession of who my first love was only made matters worse. We seldom spoke to each other on normal occasions, and after the confession...we spoke even less.
The awkwardness...
Eventually, I think not only did I fail to win her heart, I had also lost her as a friend in a sense that...I think I'm totally out of her world, not even in her rank of friends...
Thus my inability to voice out my feelings...
The experience yesterday and the result that turned out at the end of the day kind of mirror what happened the day after my confession to my first love...
What to do...I'm a total wimp when it comes to relationships.
I'm clueless...
I'm helpless...
I'm restless...
The struggle just got even tougher.
After a painful period of 7 years, I've finally met someone who can warm my heart...I really don't want to lose her without trying.
But what are the odds of me succeeding?
What are the possibilities?
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