Pessimism...
Past memories flooding back. A lot has been on my mind ever since I......never mind.
It's not the first time I started recollecting past events...but this time, it has gotten stronger. From those hellish days in primary school all the way to my recent days...
I can almost never stop thinking...
Things that I did wrong came back to haunt me one by one despite my best efforts to atone for what I have done. I'm starting to lock myself away again...in my lil' world filled with negative emotions.
And today, had a pretty rough time when my knee gave out on me again. I'm not gonna' use it as an excuse for my bad skills...I admit that I'm bad when it comes to that sport, but the bad knee delivered the coup de grâce to my pride.
God I hate it when I cannot even accomplish the simplest of task like stopping a ball...in my book, being hurt is not an excuse.
I might be contradicting myself in certain ways with the statement above, but at the very moment when I failed to deliver, that was how I felt.
Thinking is such a scary ability. An active brain and a guilty soul makes a deadly combination...
When can I ever stop getting tortured by these thoughts. I yearn certain tranquility, a small reprieve that enables my mind to rest. I don't know how much more I can take before I either snap or break down...
Seriously, there are times when I'm on the verge of insanity holding back my guilt and tears...I'm getting really close to the brim.
It's really tiring leading a life like mine...and knowing that people around me will not like it but am still doing it because I'm not good at handling my own shit is just as disheartening...
More than once I have thought...
If only that particular soul could bring down the finishing blow years ago...
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