I need to clarify something...
Clement...true we have shun you in the past. The reason being that a couple of us have to complete our work...and with you around, you should jolly well know what would happen. You are the type of person who needs attention, and you tend to talk nearly every minute. I'm not blaming you for having such a characteristic. It's good in some aspect, but not when we're going to work. Should you be around...we will definitely be distracted and will therefore side-track from our work. That's the reason why we avoided you...I know it ain't a good way...but we have to do what we gotta do...
Secondly...I don't think it's dishonorable...that's a real heavy word. What's so dishonorable in us wanting to complete our work...and hoping to work in a quiet environment. Sad to say, as far as I can remember, I don't think I have agreed to "wait" for you. You, of all people should know that I'm the type of person who easily gets distracted. With your presence, I can tell you, I won't be doing my work no more.
Thirdly...it's regarding human nature you have just mentioned. Yeah, people react automatically to incoming threats, a straight punch for example. But what I did is slowly reach out my hands, advancing towards you, you have more than enough time to walk away rather than swipe my arm away. You could have moved outta the way...or the most grab my arm, sweeping my arm away, to me now, hurts kinda bad...
Blame me for getting injured so often, that makes people misunderstands that my elbow pad is just for fun. But now you know, I wear my elbow pad for the sake of protection and reduce any damage that will be dealt.
Now lastly...regarding the backstabbing issue. Before Saturday, I have experienced more backstabbing issues. I heard about your past. People beat you up and pushed you around. It's sad...yes I know. But at least, people beat you up, they acknowledge your existence...unlike mine, they wouldn't even take a look at me. I don't even have the chance for them to beat me up, if they do beat me up, at least I know that they can "see" me. You wanna let me know how you feel right?
NOW FEEL MY PAIN!
You have people who "sees" you as a human...no matter if they pounce on you or what, you are inside their line of vision.
For people like me...I'm nowhere to be seen in most people's eyes. And when you finally have some people...the only people who acknowledges your existence...and they turned their backs against you. That's much more painful than having friends to begin with, and walking out on you.
I'm not trying to compete who's scenario is worse...but I wanna let you know, that you don't gloat over a person's misfortune and say that "now you know how it feels to be blah blah blah" just because he did something...from your point of view, bad, to you.
Frankly speaking, your situation is a lil different from mine. You are avoided for a period of time for the sake of our work...but we're still your friends. It's just that we don't really know how to express the friendship "YOUR" way...
On the other hand...I'm double crossed...by people I considered as "friends". A few years ago, they were the first bunch of people who acknowledged my presence. No matter who you are, this is considered to be one of your most important friends, especially when you are desperate for people to "see" you. A few years later, they came back to hurt me.
You see the difference? Although I can feel that from your point of view, it feels equally bad to be ignored...but the gap is there. Don't tell me "hope you learnt your lesson"...this 2 issues ain't similar to a large extent. And it ain't my fault alone. You know you are wrong at some point as well.
Lemme point out another problem with you...you seem to blame the others over something. Even when you're partially at fault, you won't accept it.
Your philosophy is that you're always right, and when something went wrong, it has to be someone else who screwed things up. Think about it...every screw ups that took place...or maybe some arguments that occurred, which issue did you take the blame?
Don't try to ask me which incident, you know I can't remember, and you would take that I'm bullshitting. In fact...you should know it inside you. People don't have to name em out. If you die die also demand an answer, the typical one is Vanessa's issue when you scolded her ****. We argued about it. How long did it took me to make you admit that part of the fault is yours? You know the answer...
I won't deny that partially it's my fault for all these to happen. Blame me...despise me all you want. I have no intention to defend myself.
Here's something I wanna say...it's how I feel...and it applies to everybody, although I did not really apply the saying at times, but I still follow it...
Do not act as if you understand the other person's pain FULLY! Yes, you can know what's hurting them, and talk to them. But you don't pull out your own painful experience, and try to say you "understand" the other party or "I'm worse than you". Different people have different aspects that are more painful than the other. It's true that I don't fully understand what you went through, Clement...but don't tell me that it ain't true that you have no idea what I've been through.
So don't ever tell me "now you know how I feel"...I can shoot this right back at you...
That's all I have to say...if you still disagrees with me, and decided that I'm a total jackass whom you can't work with, you can tell me face to face that you don't want me as a friend...and if possible, pull a few guys along with you.
Think about it man...I'm at fault...but so are you. But if you insist that you're not at fault...then I have nothing to say. You know yourself best...
Like I said before...perhaps I'm better off alone...
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